I’ve recently received so many messages from sisters and coaching clients asking about the same issue over and over again. It blows my mind away to see that many women experiencing loneliness, frustration, immense grief because they’re not married yet.
It goes as far as some women questioning Allah for keeping them single. Others crying themselves to sleep at night! Wooooah – Holy Smokes Sweetie! Crying because you don’t have a man in your life?!??! That kind of energy and desperation is the quickest way to kill any attraction that a man could possibly have for you.
Desiring intimacy and companionship is absolutely natural. But it’s not the sole existence of your life. One of the four greatest women ever to walk upon this earth was Maryam (the mother of Isa, may the blessings of Allah be upon them) – yet she never married. Your significance as a woman doesn’t rely on getting married.
I want you to keep this analogy in mind:
You are the deliciously, gluten free vanilla cupcake of your life. And your spouse is the sweet sprinkles that add glitter to the already scrumptious butter-crème cupcake.
You’ve got to be happy on your own.
You’ve got to be ridiculously content with your own life, bursting with love and happiness that radiates from self-love, pursuing your passions, connecting with inspiring women, devoting your time to connecting with Allah and after all of that when the man of your dreams comes along he’ll be the fancy red bow that ties it all together for you.
Your loneliness isn’t going to disappear after marriage. There’s nothing worse than being in a marriage and still feeling lonely. It happens much more than you think. Whilst the excitement from marrying your dream man might keep your entertained for the first few months, eventually…. eventually reality will settle back in again. That’s when all these fears, thoughts of neediness, feeling empty will flood back in again. Why? Because…
It was never about him.
It was never really about finding your dream man.
You think getting married will solve your loneliness. You think getting married will suddenly motivate you into becoming this domestic goddess, brimming with ambition to sort your life out, get a supermodel body, chase after your dreams and live happily ever after.
Marriage might change you for the first few months. But eventually your old habits and characteristics will creep back in.
You’ve got to do this for yourself.
Here’s the beauty of being truly happy within yourself:
You become the source of your own sunshine.
You bring the love and excitement to the relationship. Your bring the feminine energy, zest and lightness that sparks the happiness in a relationship. BUT if your needy, desperate and clingy, you can’t bring any of these qualities forth. Because your too immersed in that little, dark hole, waiting for a man to fill that void within you.
How could you possibly light up somebody’s world if you can’t even ignite your own?
Want it with all your heart but know that you’ll be perfectly happy without it too.
Be a girl who wants rather than needs.
A girl who wants marriage – who wants a loving man who happens to be just one incredible, delicious piece to the puzzle of her life.
Rather than a girl who needs a man – who centres her existence around a man and can’t function without him (i.e. sobbing at night because you have no-one, making ‘dear future husband’ letters to share online – eeek! or making dua for your future husband – oh my! he doesn’t need your duas, you don’t even know him and Allah is looking perfectly well after him.)
So darling, the key message from today’s blog post is to love your life… to be genuinely fulfilled and happy from within. When this incredible man comes along, he’ll only enhance and blossom the happiness and love that’s already within you.
P.s. If you’d like 1-1 support to create a healthy foundation of self-love, a personalised goal setting plan and take inspired action with gentle, consistent accountability to live your wildest dreams, book in a free 1-1 coaching session here 🙂